Beating Empty Nest Syndrome
When I think of my son Zach I glow with pride. When he went off to university six years ago to study Politics, Philosophy and Economics at The University of Oxford, I was proud his hard work had paid off. I was proud he’d worked through so much trauma with the sudden loss of his younger sister. I was proud to see him set off on this new phase of his life, fully intending to change the world.
So why I felt low not a glow.
It took me by surprise. I had expected to miss him, but, after 14 years as a single parent, running a busy marketing consultancy and large team, I’d also expected to enjoy having more time for me and for others. A charity I wanted to support. A book I wanted to write.
But I couldn’t escape feelings of sadness, uncertainty – even loss.
Like thousands of other parents, I was an empty nester, experiencing some of the most common signs of this syndrome - loss of purpose, frustration over lack of control, emotional distress, marital pressure and anxiety about our children.
Much has been written about the impact of our child or the last of our children flying the nest to head off to university or pastures new.
Studies show feelings of loss, sadness, anxiety, grief, and fear to be common among parents experiencing this ‘empty nest syndrome’, and while the condition affects both men and women, it can be especially intense for mothers.
The signs can take many forms. Perhaps you wonder where you fit into the world now your kids have flown the coop, or you can’t help keep calling or messaging your son or daughter, or even checking up on them on social media. Maybe you don’t know what to talk about with your partner anymore.
It is a challenging transition in your life but you CAN get through it!
So here are my top tips for anyone facing an empty nest
Remember, we are responsible for our own happiness
Our children leaving home is a natural part of life. Their independence is to be applauded, encouraged and embraced, so weeping, laying guilt trips or in any way suggesting they are responsible for our happiness will not help them… or us.Make that list of lovely things you enjoy
Especially those lovely things you haven’t had the time or energy to do before or for a long time…and DO them.Call on your friends and family network
Gather your mutual support network to do these things with you.And always, always focus on the positive
As my coach friend Lisa Read says, always ask yourself what three things are positive about any difficult situation.
That’s how I got through.
In my case, the action and the right support came through wild swimming and walking, especially walking with others.
Doing something different. Getting out in the fresh air. Enjoying nature and sharing the experience with other like-minded folk is not only good for our health, it is good for our souls.
Also worth a read:
https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a38834/empty-nest-advice